How do you unite Europe?

Lordi, from Finland, unlikely winners of The Eurovision Song Contest 2006
And I don’t mean the European Union. I mean the whole bloody continent (more or less). Well, let’s think. I suppose you could teach everyone Esperanto. Or pick someone everyone likes and make him Emperor of All Europe. Or reintroduce Brown Bears and Wolves everywhere so we’d all have to huddle together for safety. Or (I know! I know!) hypnotise everyone. Or you could spend three hours in makeup, perform a jaw-droppingly cheesy song called Hard Rock Hallelujah and wait for the votes to pour in. Amazing. Quite amazing.

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