Fireworks therapy

So after two or three hours running up and down the garden in the fine drizzle, lighting fireworks of every variety (including some fucking enormous roman candle bundles about the size of a fire bucket), I can confirm that my favourite is the Angry Wasps Mine from Standard Fireworks. It produces a gorgeous fountain of multi-coloured sparks for about 30 seconds and then stops… for just long enough to convince you that it’s all over. The bang that follows is awesome – the percussion, even from the the other end of the garden, where you are cowering, is startling – a big shove in the chest that leaves everyone laughing and grinning like fools. Speaking as your doctor, I suggest you get a big box of these things and keep them handy for those difficult days…

What passes for entertainment round my way

If you time it carefully and the whole thing hasn’t been washed into the river by the already torrential rainstorm here in the burbs, you might catch our garden fireworks live on the Shedcam from 1730 – 1900-ish this evening. I’ve upped the timing on the cam and pointed it out the shed window. I guess actually catching a burst on the cam would be a one-in-a-million chance but I don’t suppose you’ve got anything better to do this evening have you?

Detritus of fireworks night in a suburban garden


A scene from Henri-Georges Clouzot's 1953 film The Wages of Fear. Yves Montand as Mario Livi drives one of the trucks loaded with nitroglycerine. Charles Vanel as Jo is in the passenger seat.
Charles Vanel and Yves Montand driving the fireworks home from Tesco’s

Today we bought fireworks. I mean we really bought fireworks. They’re having a toofer at Tesco’s so we wound up with a shopping trolley-full of fireworks for half price. Driving them home was like The Wages of Fear – I maintained a steady 5 mph as the sweat beaded on my forehead. We’re going to set them all off in the garden next weekend. I hereby prophesy that we’ll manage about three Roman Candles before one or all of the small children present goes bonkers or a parent sets light to the shed and we have to call the whole thing off.